So Last time, I posted a work in progress entitled Metnal. After rethinking the poem and what needed to be done to fix the poem, I have worked on it to make it different. I took into account some of the comments about making the words more realistic and talking about it in more than vague statements. I think that by really expanding on what these things can do to a person shatters the surface feeling that everyone gets from words like rape, abortion, murder and cancer. I also capitalized the word “it” because I felt that by making IT a title, it would enhance the weight of the four concepts. Let me know what you think! Thank you. I hope that this taught you a little about revision and rewriting.

 

Metnal –

 

I’ve heard tales of a distant land

    Where shadows

Are burnt into the

     Ground

 

The last marker of a vile event

 

    So horrific

        It can only be

    Written of in

        Platitudes

 

Like     rape,

            murder

                abortion

                    cancer

 

they are cliché

        and yet there is the terrible reality:

of your soul being torn in two

of not ever really knowing what to do

of the sadness that lingers inside

of just giving in and letting yourself die

of always feeling stuck

because

no one        

really            

wants                

to                    

talk                        

about                            

IT                                

 

His shadow is burnt into me

                The last of who I used to be

Advertisements