I’m sick so I’m probably not going to do any postings for the next few days. I’ve been doing some writing lately so that’s probably why.
anyway here’s something I was writing back in April or March so you can check it out and tell me how terrible it is.
I couldn’t ever think about things like this before. Well, before when I was skinny as a stick. At least that’s what they said then, but I wasn’t that skinny. I was more on the lighter side of average. While everyone else was worrying about childhood obesity, I was eating ho-ho’s and Twinkies, and those yummy pink coconutty cakes with the creme filling inside by the box full. One after the other on an after-school afternoon. And boy did I like that. I liked being thin.
Thinness affords you the ability to do so many things that regular and fat people can’t do. You can eat pizza all day, everyday without any one bothering you at all. Heck, they might even buy you an extra slice because who cares, your thin. And the things you can wear. That’s how models get away with wearing so many different things. So many different things that you can’t even believe. Wanna wear garbage, who care, you’re thin, anything will look good on you.
But then, I got fat. Slowly over the summer ’til the first day of school came and I was bigger than I had been, I didn’t notice at first. Except that my pants didn’t fit, they wouldn’t buckle and I was worried. So I ran more, and ran more. Puberty is terrible, it just comes at you with full force and changes everything that you’ve grown to love about yourself in the past 14 years.
And boy did I learn, the girl who was once, supermodel thin, with the nice hair, and flawless skin became nearly hideous over night. And everything grew, well, everything except what I wanted. My butt got huge, pimples littered my face and my once beautifully smelling shiny and bouncy hair, was weighed down, split up like a forest after Godzilla walks thru, and smelled like a vat of chicken grease.
And did I sweat, you never really see it on TV. You see all the boys out there, with broken voices, grease laden faces, pimpled galore, and awkwardly smelly in every single story about teens. But the girls, they’re always just moody and embarrassed about having to carry some tampax in their bag. But I went from being cute as a button to pizza faced, fat, and with some uncontrollable arm pit glands.
I would have preferred to have been moody, to be sitting there upset because I have to carry my bag with me to the bathroom!
And my friends weren’t too thrilled. We had chosen each other on the basis of our good genetic fortune, And now I had to WORK at being cute, and boy was I terrible it. And they didn’t care, I plummeted their Stock. I was stinky, heavy, and greasy, 3 things that do not go together with Skinny, Pretty, Teen Dreams.
And before my unfortunate luck of the draw with the Gods of Puberty, I was mean. I bullied. I had made girls cry. I was being given my just karmic retribution and boy was I upset. I was stuck in the world that I despised and ridiculed. I had become one of the freaks, and I didn’t like it.
And they didn’t like me. You’d think based on TV that geeks and losers or whatever they want to call themselves were different from the jocks and the preps, but things are the same all over. In fact it’s much easier to fake it with the jocks and the preps, with the geeks, if you can’t spell, they’ll call you on it, and you can’t pretend you aren’t stupid. I was dumb as hell, and ugly as hell and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was alone and upset.
But there was hope. I could change, I could become a better person. But I wasn’t going to become a better person. I was a fat former fancy girl, and that wasn’t going to do anything for me. I don’t give a shit. Those people could shut up, at some point I’d be pretty again, and then I’d be better. I would be more loving and caring.
But let me get to the beginning of the story. where everything started. Back when I first hit ugly and my friends stopped calling. When the first story was ending and the second part of my young life was beginning. …
Anyway tell me what you think, it’s the start of something I never finished.